• chandrikasharma 6w

    Does it ever feel new again?

    With the same old, hackneyed smile,
    longing for something colourful to wear,
    caught in an emotional crossfire,
    some rigid thoughts still deject to disappear..
    Looking in the mirror hundred awkward times before,
    finally swooshing through the door
    willingly unwilling ,she wants to cope from an "unwanted heartbreak"
    As someone has asked this liberated woman, out for a date..

    The first time she met him
    Somehow managed to put the best impression forth
    both of them passed the pre-meditated fake smiles and forcefully laughed
    introducing herself to him, she pretended to be novice
    he conferred on the fakness of gestures with a meek smile
    and ordered two fresh cup of coffee in the mid of prepared dialogues going to last for awhile..

    Time morphed from minutes into an hour
    in the discourse of mundane things going around
    professional, contemporary, old , scientific
    including 'why the Earth is known to be round'.
    Gradually the spark of his eyes darted to zero from profuse
    when their conversation bogged down with the concept of courtship and its relevant issues..

    Unnerved with the constant loneliness, he seems to have found refuge in drink
    the darkcircles around his eyes are fascinatingly mysterious as his eye lids blink..
    he whispered with a heavy voice to lighten his soul
    "what if promises once made no longer hold weight
    people like you and me are forced to re-date
    Just like the realistic moon, when love waxes and wanes
    tell me, Does it ever feel new again"

    Though these damaged words were spoken with utmost care
    she shuddered at the memory of once having gone through the same sphere
    and in an effort to avoid answering it , she managed to stare elsewhere
    the discomfort in her eyes ,gloomy countenance of her face,
    Seems to be utterly lost, seems to communicate itself to the place..
    Meanwhile he was calm
    Ready to hear for what he patiently waited there for a while,
    she fumbled at first, and then continued with a hackneyed , mature ,rejected smile
    "this suffocating thought of nostalgic days, every night bothers me
    my poor heart smirks at my inability to define it in a poetry
    how hard it is to meet new faces, greet them, fall apart after getting near
    albeit the heart only waits for a reply that never arrives to ear
    enamoured of someone, somewhere deep down I'm totally shattered
    daft with someone, somewhere deep down my favourite dreams are unevenly scattered..
    Back in my academic days, when i rushed to school
    one beautiful morning seemed to be specially arrived to take all the blues
    he wore a nifty black T-shirt paired with branded shoes
    and came up to propose me , without any formal rose
    telling me the unvarnished truth that he was in Love with me
    i myself added flame to the fire by uttering 'yes' in glee..
    We, the new lovebirds in the congested city,
    -giggled, celebrated, laughed, romanced,
    at an almost frenetic pace that kept us round the clock busy..
    beautiful dusk of the days joined hands with its ever elated dawn
    everything seemed to be fascinating, even the bird's silliest chirping sound..
    Our happy faces were the centre of every keen attraction
    most cherishing, were the promises we used to re-define after sorting our endless misconceptions..
    The memories of an unexpectedly long period of unbridled emotions,
    of blissful ups and plaintive downs
    fall short to save the pact between us, to which we were bound,
    life then gave me the incessant pain, to which i wasn't prone..
    not all stories finish with overdriven conclusion of 'happy endings'
    nor do some fairy-tales are narrated in a manner to give you wings..
    By the time i realised he was about to leave
    I became scared of the dead silence ,i became scared of every memory indeed..
    being kept in the four walls of my room, i isolated myself with all the colourful things,
    my senses were only alert to my cellphone that may ring
    i yearned it to ring aloud to hear closely to his much anticipated voice
    a voice that might have led me up from all the helpless turmoil
    but my phone never rang in the manner my heart used to prospect
    leading to the gradual removal of lock and patterns on our private chats that i always kept
    all the signs bode ill to my love that was unquestionably true
    the anxiety not only left me physically tormented but mentally too..
    He mercilessly trampled all over my dreams
    the same dreams, he once sweared to enshrine,
    his fragrance still haunts in the imagination of mine..
    his face , whenever i kissed in my mind, led the untouched weeds to grow
    love has no backup, I then came to know..
    the feelings ,so harmless, were somehow smothered to death
    time came hard, pushing the Felicity to wane
    I wonder, the love once ceased to happen
    does it ever feel new again?.."

    _chandrika sharma