• warishataj 10w

    So it's one of the rare nights when I actually have nothing to write about.Everything just feels empty.
    A full stop to all the thoughts about what I'll do in future,what I want to do, which song I'll learn on guitar next, which Book I'll read,when I'll finish the two pending novels, all the movies and series left to see, all the assignments, practicals left half done, all the downloaded lecture videos, all the portion left to cover, with no one to rely upon, all the places I want to visit,all the things I want to learn,all the changes I want to make, I know I have to go somewhere but no idea where, I know the subject I'm interested in yet I'm doubtful.
    As someone who has always kept herself busy, I've never felt more lost. All the things that I've learnt suddenly feels so small. I don't even know what I'm looking for ...I'm just tired of being this person I am although I've never liked myself more than now. I am tired of trying to make things alright, I am tired of being the positive, optimistic person willing to listen or talk and do all those good good bullshits. I see so many amazing people, I know so many of them but I've just stopped connecting with them..
    People say what they don't mean, they may dislike you yet they'll be sweet in front of you, they may mock u in their thoughts yet will try to take the side of the right.
    Many are afraid, hypocrite, hollow and pretentious.
    But I don't have any problem with anyone being anything , it's just that so many little things when combined can make anyone feel miserable. Be it what's happening in the world, Be it people with narrow mentality, be it u not being able to accept the thoughts of someone you have admired, be it your pet dog suddenly going missing, be it the memories of your ones best friend, be it the few traumatic incidents that happened in your childhood, be it the sudden feeling of loss remembering people who passed away and thinking about the last time u spoke to them or the fact that you force yourself To not feel as there are ppl suffering from much worse yet you fail.
    Be it the fear of losing people you love , or
    When everything starts bothering you yet you have nothing specific to complain about,be it getting tired of listening to the regular insignificant lies.
    Finding an escape in sleeping, being clueless about time and knowing that even this binge sleeping can't be continued for more than a day or two and you know that there are people actually suffering so now you feel guilty too.
    Somedays u just can't make yourself feel okay no matter how much you try, no matter how many things u do ...
    There's a void that can't be filled and you can't even let anyone see.

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    I'm tired of being this person I am although I've never liked myself more than now