Dear oh dear..
We both know our relationship has been stressful for a while now, and i really can't take it anymore. Here are some things, i have to say to you from my heart:
First things first, before this slips off my mind, let me say what I have been meaning to say for over a decade now: I love you. How often I have stood in front of you and gulped down these words, we know. While my voice still squeaks there, the fingers have flawlessly managed to write this. Thanks to you.
I don't remember exactly when i felt shameful about you for the first time. You see, noone tells you, like conditioning, body shaming could also be very subtle. A look by that school crush, selection for sports team, taunts at the family function: it all kept taking us down. While i demanded maximum change with minimum efforts, you patiently kept listening to me, trying your best. Thank you.
At times the situations have forced me to stretch you. It sometimes got the best of you, sometimes the worst, but mostly the best. While we have been together in these 70 hour work weeks and 2 hour sleep schedules , thank you for sticking around and adapting so fast without complaining much.
Lets face it: However i cover it, the fact remains that i have abused you. Without listening to any of your signals, I've criminally forced all my wishes on you.
You have had to hear things, that you did not deserve to, and from none other than me, convincing you how it was all true, you were never worthy and i was stuck with you. How every curve, colour, shape, shade you wore was not meant to be. How like me, you were supposed to fit in. I am sorry, sorry for doing this to you.
So while i am finally penning down my feelings, i promise you to try. Try to not take you for granted, to learn to listen, to be more aware of you, that i live in you and you carry me, to look in the mirror and smile. And one day, when we would have had outgrown this phase, i hope we look back at it with forgiveness, laughingly till we last.