Night and Day
The night is my favourite moment, alone and quiet in the darkness of my room.
I expose all the broken parts of me that have refuse to heal.
It's in the dark i tend to my wounds or allow it to linger.
It's in the dark I have to sort through my thoughts,struggling with myself to see how long I can keep my head above water.
It’s in the dark that I count the pills in my hand,dizzy with overwhelming indecisiveness of what is best before I collapse.
The break of the day is my most terrifying moment I have to blanket myself in the distraction of those around me.
During the day, I live a lie,When others are relying on me to do things, to engage with them, I can’t be ill.
During the day I can take a timeout from my mental illnesses, because they are as much a part of me as my jugular vein.
During the day I can temporarily bury my illnesses under the otherness of my daily activities. Silently counting hours to be alone again in the dark.