Happy Birthday... even though you're not here, you will always be my everything. I fall apart every time I think about you. Today, instead of laughing for your birthday, everyone is falling apart. I love you so much that it tears me apart. Today... I have to face that you're really gone and that... that's the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. I can't seem to let go of you. 8 months later and it still feels like a terrible nightmare, that I'll never wake up from. I can't even bring myself to do anything. It all hurts so much. Every time I close my eyes... I see you. It's like a nightmare that never ends, bringing me only pain. I can't seem to think about you without crying. This is the worst feeling I've ever felt in my life. You're.... you're gone. And there's nothing I can do to bring you back. I can't take back any of the words I said. I can't undo any of the decisions I made. I can't fix ANY OF IT. and I don't know how much more I can take of this.