• yungicarus 5w

    Dec 14th

    I have spoken a thousand speeches in my head, flowing perfectly
    Describing to you all the lessons i've learned
    How i had to lose you in order to love me
    And see where i failed us.

    It had to happen this way and my faith is restored
    I finally love you without needing you,
    You helped me face my deepest fears and accept where i wasn't letting the river flow with genuine intention
    My fears i hadn't healed.

    Now i have spoken a thousand speeches in my head, flowing perfectly
    Describing to you how im painting the colors of you on my canvas again in the most delicate ways,
    Detailed and rich,
    The smell of you hair
    The shape of your smile
    The way you would look at me when you knew I could feel what you were feeling

    I have forgiven me and you and my past
    I have finally let go
    In the best way possible
    Now my river flows
    And somehow
    The feeling in my chest
    That you still feel me too

    But all that exists is here and now
    Organic and free
    I realize true land selfless love
    Always been there
    But marred by our fears and inexperience

    But wise i have become, i feel its my destiny
    I feel im on the path again
    I have a peace to make
    Something tells me i shouldnt wait any longer
    Don't want to be selfish
    Just want her to be happy
    Now completely, even with someone else
    Id welcome it
    Not that it wouldnt hurt
    But real love accepts
    Real love conquers
    Real love never dies.
    I do not hope, i have learned hope is to want
    To want is the ego
    If the ego isn't killed
    Your fears and self lies will sink you
    Not because you want to cause harm
    But because your too scared to face your fears and fail or not be worthy or accepted or loved. Because we were not loved.
    And all i wamted to do was give the love. I never got to the person i felt deserved it the most in this world..which is you
    But i realize that person has to be me.
    And now it is,
    And instead of the love dying
    It has lead me to finally understand how to love
    Experiences i've had the opportunity to go through have taught me why i couldnt be healthy with the person i love the most.

    So i do not hope because what is for me will be for me, i stay in the moment because the past is now the past and the future isn't guaranteed. Now I just wish to be around the energy again, no expectations no pressures no pasts, no insecurities.

    I feel like that 17 year old who just met you
    I dont care about the past any longer
    The differwnce is that 17 year old was pretending to be brave and wanted the things he talked about and believed in them but didnt believe he could actually do them.
    10 long years to understand how to love myself, value myself
    And it wouldn't have happended without you.
    Thank you, you were so brave to leave, It needed to happen and i never wouldve done it.
    I could go on about how it had to happen this way but you can just ask me because of you're reading this then that means we've been in each other's lives for a bit now. It's Dec 14th right now. Faith is a great thing lol.

    Now I have spoken one thousand and one speeches,
    With grammar disregarded halfway through
    But my mind and heart spoke the truth from start to now.
    ©yungicarus