I’m fighting to stay here. I’m stumbling and struggling. I’ve climbed up a long, long way. I’ve sustained a lot of injuries. I don’t complain, and it’s okay. I don’t have expectations, either. I just want to feel safe again. I just miss feeling the way I used to. I was an innocent little girl once. I was untouched by the world once. I’m grieving for that little girl today. I’m grieving and am trying to reach her. I want to apologize for leaving her behind. I want to say that I tried to protect her. I’m hyper-aware of all my blemishes. I’m constantly looking for good lighting. I cringe when I see my spirit sometimes. I cringe when I remember my brokenness.
I can lead sometimes, & now I need help. I want to apologize to me as a girl. I want to protect her, and I can’t. I pray for forgiveness for my failures. I pray for regeneration and sanctification. I’m trying to get there. Please be patient. I’m trying to get there. Please understand. I’m hurting. Please, be patient with me. ——————————————————— Everybody is allowed to have a hard day. Everybody can feel lost sometimes. Everybody is entitled to sit down and hurt. Everybody can feel compassion as well. I write with everything I have for you. I write with tears, blood, and loss for you. I write with hurting heartbeats for you life. I write with the willingness to die for you. Be patient with me if the ink smudges. Be patient with me if tears hit the pages. Be patient with me if I need to revise. Be patient with me if I need to cry. When the stains of my blood, when the smudges of my tears, when the pages all have dried, I hope that my heart will still be legible. I hope that you and I will love each other. God, just, please .. if you could be patient. Be patient with each other, everyone.