The human mind is complicated. You can be the nicest person from one perspective, and deep down you'd see yourself from a perspective which shows your mean side. You can be the meanest person out there and you may still be unknowingly doing a random act of kindness every once in a while. We don't know why we feel the way we feel, why we act the way we do. One moment we're predictable, another we may become a paradox. There's unsaid rule that I realised that I follow. I choose people that nobody goes an extra mile for, and I make them feel special. I may get them something nice, even make a whole box full of stuff they might like, because deep down I like making them feel like I'm being nice to them. Is that good or is that bad? But one day, you find out that there are two others who go an extra mile for them. "Maybe they don't need this love as much as I thought they did". If I'm not a special source, why be a source at all? That's the mean in my nice. That nice is honest and meaningful and without any regrets. But the meanness behind the scenes is pretty raw as well. But I'd convince myself, "that's what humans are like", meanwhile assuming that someone out there may think that I'm just romanticizing a people-pleasing behaviour.