Every day, it becomes a little more obvious that I am completely on the outside of your life.
For the first time in over 6 years, I was not able to spend your birthday with you.
You didn’t even respond to my text.
Honestly, it should still be bothering me. You moved on a LONG time ago, and I wish I could do the same.
But the time we shared together is still valuable to me.
I still want to call you all the time to hang out or go on a random road trip.
And sometimes, when I have a bad day or even if something exciting happens, I really miss having a best friend to call or come home to.
Life is not the same anymore.
I know I’m not living a “bad” life, I’m just living a much different one because you are not around.
Sometimes I wonder, was it worth it? If you could go back to a point when you were still innocent, would you repeat the same choices that separated us? If you had been given a clear choice, and known for sure what the outcome would be, would you have walked away from our friendship? Or would you have fought for it the way I did? I may never know. And maybe I SHOULDN’T ever know.
I honestly don’t think I could take any more heart ache or disappointment from our relationship. All I can hope is that one day it returns to a stable place. It will never be the same, but maybe it could be SOMETHING.