They say, "better late then never" but hardly did I know that I being late would be a never in itself.
Its the same date again with a different day, with a different year but the past remains the same just like the date. Unfortunate. And today I will write about all unrelated related things.
I don't specifically reminisce about you only today because even you know that I remember you daily. You are in my thoughts and in my prayers. Everyday. But certain things have changed. I don't long for you to come back anymore because you're dead and dead people don't return to this human life. So I don't call you back anymore. Also I wonder if you know this because you're not alive anymore.
You know I hide my pain of not having you around me, deep in my heart, not expressing it even to my closest ones. You know everyone would think that I am melodramatic and fake, seeking sympathy so I prefer keeping it between me and all those letters that will remain unanswered from your side and that soothes my soul somehow. And to whom do I express myself when you were the only one to read all of those expressions?
They convince me by saying that you are still around us because you loved us but isn't it ironic that one who loved me so much, how could he decide to stay around by vanishing into these surroundings? I mean I don't see any need for it. Then why did you leave? Because you had promised to always be there, but now there is nothing over 'there'. And you aren't around, are you?
What you did to yourself was cowardice and you should be ashamed of it but then what's the point of narrating all this when you are just a mere soul wandering in the universe or the matter that got changed into Earth's energy or some part of this soil. So how can you feel emotions, right? What's the point of ranting about your un-doable stupidity anymore?
I don't know, I don't even want to know anything because you took a decision, a selfish one and shook us selfishly so I shouldn't be repenting and regretting. But then I lost so much by just losing you that there is endless pain and the wound is hard to recover from. If Just once you could have asked me about how much I loved you, I would have never let you go. But you were selfish because you knew how to share happiness but you kept all of your pain to yourself and never let me had even a bite of how it tasted. So you served an entire dish full of pain and hurt in plate after you left and this buffet is deceasing but this is the worst delicacy I have ever tasted. Do you like me getting pained now?
Just like Alaska was in a hurry and left Miles behind her with nothing, but with unending love and admiration, you left me, exactly the way and I can't help being in love with you, admiring you. You were, are and will always be my dearest polar bear and the pole star of my life. And you are also the 'Alaska' , this Miles will always keep looking for.
My dearest KP! I loved you and will always do. ❤ All I hope is that you rest peacefully over there.