• blueroses77 36w

    Thoughts of chaos

    Why do things like this keep happening
    I ask my self as fall appart once again in the same old room
    The same old memories
    The same shadows
    And the same pain
    Why do the things i love most have to be the source of my pain
    Why cant i just be happy once again
    I keep having dreams about them being taken from me in the most horrible ways
    And in the end im always the one who starts it
    My emotions get the best of me as my voices take control of me
    One second its my hand around their neck and the next its only pain and regret
    One second he is hanging by a thread the next he has fallen down dead
    I tell myself thats not me
    I would never hurt them
    I would protect them till the end
    But how can i keep them safe in this dark place
    How can i avoid hurting them if i cant even control my own pain
    How can a make sure i dont fuck up and say something ill regret if i cant even control my own thoughts
    Stop comparing them to the people who came before
    Stop telling me that they will leave me laying broken on the floor
    Things are different now
    Thats what i try to say
    But sometimes things dont seem that way
    They might be small but theres no doubt theyre there
    The little things that remind me of the ones i used to know
    The ones who tore me appart
    The ones who broke my heart...
    It causes doubts where there doesnt need to be
    It creates a void that stays empty inside of me
    The thoughts that kill and the shadows that feed
    Why are so many people so full of blind greed
    And yet i still feel selfish
    Knowing this is all my fault but i do nothing to change
    Knowing that all these thoughts are only playing me like a silly game
    Dreams of things that could happen and the shadows that take them away from me
    Fear of the future and the past
    Fear of the night and how long it lasts
    I miss the people that used to fight with me
    But somehow the place i once called home has only left me all alone
    The shadows created by the ones who came before
    And the dream of a bright future has thrown me out and locked the door
    I dont know what to do anymore
    I dont want to sleep and dream of things like that
    I dont want to think anymore
    Why cant my happiness just last
    Why must everything be so chaotic
    Cant i have just one day where nothing goes wrong
    Just one day where im happy or just calm
    One day where i dont think about the past
    One day that nothing else happens and i can just live in peace