• c_n_u_ 6w

    Daggard Heart

    I suppose I once had a undamaged heart but that Is not as I recall.. Maybe I was the child that should have fallen apart yet HERE I AM standing through every fall.
    I once believed in the silliest things..... Who am I kidding I just wish life would not have been full of broken dreams
    Shattered hopes and people who turn out to be a joke. I prayed for 36 years for happiness now I just pray for gentle. Give them am inch and they'll take it all and then play a guilt trip like it hurt them as you fall in pieces from the dumpster food you had to eat with the coffee grounds upon the unsold donuts and the past date string cheeseor from waking in a truck stop on the pavement with no sign of anyone pitch back dark not knowing where your at or how you got there.and I guess 2nd grade was not important in 1987 or first grade. for that matter. these types of things couldn't break me
    Nor could the trailer park and all the filth so my so called Mom could get her fix .
    I wasn't broken by the sounds of her prostitution as I was told to close my eyes. I wasn't broken by the beating in the foster home ehy I should have been in kindergarten coloring or by the stairwell I sat in so I wouldn't get raped. I was pretty smart being barley I teen I knew not to ignore my instinct because that was all I ever had.
    I was never torn by the domestic violence where I stayed for a decade cause I had shelter there. I was not broken by the homelessness that I survived to escape the unjustified daily abuse of mental emotional and physical pain. No non of these things could take me down. I never had nothing or anyone until now. And now the one who has me is in for a greater feet because I don't know how to be ok. And I think it might break me. I sure hope I can survive not having to struggle now having to be ok no matter what. What am I supposed to do with that. How do you deal with having someone care for you when you never had it before. Never had to make sure your sake cause when it was my time to go it would have been my time to go. I never had to worry about someone worrying about me never had someone to call if I was running late never had to pay attention to the way I talked or if I was going to be back in time for dinner. Never was scared of nothing because if something happens to me there was no one that would be hurt be that. Having someone care is a uncharted world. Full of misunderstandings and confusion. A place that hope is trying to grow and feed to try to break me one more time and this time she might just take me down.