I don't know if you remember me or not. Maybe you still do, like a block of memories you wish to forget. I don't know.
You see? The year is about to end so I thought about writing to you, atleast someone remembers that we were together.
These days, I spend most of my days staring at nothingness, just replaying years worth of memories in my mind. I know I should not think about you. It's not that I don't try to but I feel weak and give in to it.
I bought a new cutting board that you always wanted. But it is still left in some cupboard, wrapped in the cling-film. I never used it, it was for you. I have been learning to cook and now I make something that doesn't taste bitter. I wish there someone reminds you that your voice is beautiful everytime you would sing while cutting vegetables.
You loved my stories and I would create a new one everyday just to tell you that night. I still listen to your Mixtape you left under the bed, or perhaps discarded. I miss everything you. Though not much of it is left. You remember the curtains you bought after hours of searching? I stained it with mobiloil, sorry. I tried to clean it but the stain remained. Now it hangs like a reminder of your absence. No one fights for the place in front of the mirror while brushing my teeth anymore. The cat has also stopped coming now, I swear I keep milk for it everyday. I think it would have died by now.
Nights are long. No one pulls the blanket away from me. I no longer bury my head into those soft hair that lulled me to sleep. No one puts her cold palms on my warm cheeks. There were nights when I would wake up all night stroking your forehead after we watched a horror movie and I would pretend sleeping as soon as you woke up. Sorry I never told you this. Too bad it's too late now. Im lost in the mist of your memories haunting this hollow mind. Don't worry, I didn't start drinking or anything.
I still keep flowers on the fridge vase just like you used to do, but mine dry off earlier. I went to Shimla recently. It's an amazing place. I bought a purse I was sure you would like. Made of bamboo strips, beautiful brown and pink. I threw it offa cliff.
I never knew money was more important for you. More than my love. More than my care. If you wanted more I could have easily earned it but I chose to spend my time more on what's important to me, you. I'm still young, I was learning what it feels to be loved. You went away as if it all never mattered. What about the promises we made? The songs we sang?
All mean nothing?
Well, it all means nothing now. Im sure I don't love you. Believe me, I don't need you anymore. It is just this void in my heart waiting to be filled. This enormous amount of love waiting to be given to someone. I don't know what's life for me now. I know you're enjoying, Priya showed me pictures of your goa trip. I'm happy you're happy.
Just remember, if things get bad, you can always talk to me. I won't abandon you as you did.