• draiocht 11w

    Things you'll probably never read

    See, there's a lot you don't know
    For example, every day I have to break my heart in order to stop myself from running back to you
    Because you lied
    And you cheated
    And you abused and used me
    And I'm left here asking myself
    How can I make my heart understand
    That even though I let you in
    Even though I loved you, more than I loved myself
    Even though we bonded and I gave you a part of me I couldn't even begin to imagine taking back
    ... You didn't actually feel the same...
    You were okay with hurting me
    You were okay with watching me beg and cry and plead and reason and shut down and distance myself from everything and everyone and become someone I'm not, for the sake of one thing
    To keep me around
    So I don't know what to think now
    When you tell me you've changed, and you cry and apologize and we talk it all out.
    You don't know how fucking hard it is, every time, to look at the one thing... The one person you want more than anything to be real, and remind yourself that it wasn't healthy.
    You don't know how fucking hard it is
    To tell your heart, to tell your soul
    That the love you feel
    Exists alone

    You don't know... Just how messed up I am...
    Because of what we were...
    What I believed...
    And what I still feel...