we sang swing low sweet chariot and high to hell just for good measure. i strung up a few strands of lights on the carriage. so that you and i could walk together. always, till eternity. that's what you vowed too right? all tucked up cozy in our compartment jostling side to side. you already knew my secret i just wanted a companion. if you were broken i would have fixed you anew and brought you up to our home. the one we built with virtuous love and promises.
i could not promise peace and sanity but i did promise empathy. does she give you pastries, strong tea and a kiss on your forehead early in the morning like i had been doing? i still sit and scrapbook your present, your future and your past. does she do that too?
you know i still remember that day, when i looked into your eyes. i saw that even death was once alive.
as i rocked our baby in my arms when he was still my Nate not Nathan. below the ancient moon you used to walk past us so quietly. so that you don't perturb him. disturb us. i love his eyes the most because they are cerulean just like yours. Nate heard my every melancholic tale. the hopeless, the lost. all that hung down upon my neck like an iron weighed cross. i wish the disease and desperation of 20 years could shed antediluvian tears.
you know a lot of time has passed but the imprint of the wedding band in still on my ring finger?
the certitude is, dying in your arms doesn't sound like such a good thing anymore. this place was once our sanctuary, you were once my saving grace. you shredded my remaining dignity and made me a disgrace. it wasn't so much what you did. as you were the one to do it. your only explanation to be, you fell out of love. when you left, every morning felt like my mourning day. i felt worthless and stuck up in a loop. as i substantiated my body sinking in the world's throat.
did she cry when she gave up on her soul?
you were my everything, i actually speculated you knew me so well. but i was so wrong because my everything would have heard my cry for help. now i am a ruler of dust, how many deaths have there been before and how many more will there be after me?
you know i'll still love you. atleast till the traces remain.