An Escape Is My Win
Dear drops of grey escaping my window's facade,
be my cloak, for you descend and you know that
sunlight will save you. You will rise when you fall,
and I'm falling, be my cloak.
Conceive my screams and me.
I hold my father's sacrifices in my hands,
his life and its worth, my red lehenga.
I carry with me in my every breath a question.
Redder is my lehenga or my blemished skin?
Its the lehenga that is. My skin is kissed
by a pinch of blue, sky blue but caged.
I wish someday my man orders me to die
and I'll obey him, just like I do
when he orders me to bend down,
kneel and feel numbness, but not die.
Pander to his every wish,
marriage or is this an agitated scandal.
My other half kills what's left of me,
my half, he makes his full
and feeds his need. Walls are my best friend,
and the ground supports my weight
on most of the days and nights.
Trembling with fear, I answer the knocks
on my door as I get knocked down way too much.
Moments, like the flutter of my hands
beneath his weight, scares my soul.
A feeling has become,
a disarrayed inconsistency in my life,
But then again my life itself is an unwinnable paradox.
Desiccant heartaches through the essence of my
withered eyelids, I'm so sure he feels.
Release me, maybe an absolution does exist
somewhere in my nemesis, somewhere.
Who'll win this war between my tainted chants,
A repeated "why?" or my immaterial when?
Marriage isn't about this, its about living
and not just breathing. This pain,
tears have started to fail its meaning.
Domination is my cry now, I cry in the name of reality,
Inescapable this is, but I can. In the name of love,
my father's tears, and my reality.
Raindrops on my window, I stare at them and
I notice they've reached the bottom.
Time to wait for the sun to shine, so they can rise
up above. Maybe its time for me as well,
to rise above this delirium.
Covers are needed though, for rain can be insatiable
and hungry but I'm not your meat or anyone's.
Life isn't purely innocent,, but my reality is.
Inescapabe, but I'll lacerate my way through this
marriage, which it never was.
Laden with perplexed moments, dolorous eyes,
and a mere ladder that'll take me to life itself,
I ain't waiting for a backlash anymore,
for this is it. I'm escaping and I will win!