• kris_the_ish 10w

    Vent thing

    They called the cops on you again last night. You threatened your ex with suicide. Silly me, I thought it was me you were missing, but no, my mind told me lies and eventually this pain in my chest will subside, and eventually I might escape from my mind, so the only things I dream of aren't always about why you want to die. Don't you see me? Don't I exist? Hello, my love, I am here all the time, anytime if you need me, but you never do, you never did, am I dreaming? Am I sleeping? No, because I can never sleep anymore. I force my eyes to stay open, I can't cry when im broken because they call me depressed, and maybe I am, i will confess to that but they always throw judgment at me, like rocks and sharp glass, the shards make me bleed. Then I regret what I've done, only for a moment, though, as they point another gun. The bullet is my insecurities, pointed towards the mirror, and they hand the gun to me, they yell when I hesitate, and then I fire, pull the trigger, and it shatters my perception of who I really am, and I question why I am still trying to play this dumb game of life. Im circling the drain, and I can't escape my brain, someone help me, am I insane? Someone tell me, I need answers, I need rules, I need pills, or drugs, or something to follow, some way to cope, something to fill my lungs with a will to keep breathing, and my heart to keep beating. No one understands, that's why they always end up leaving. I lost a friend yesterday, and now I feel abandoned. I feel like no one is there for me, I don't even remember how it happened. Im always being stepped on, like Im never worth a thing, and im never enough for anyone, what is happening? What even is this? How can I fix this? I don't want a band-aid, I need to just feel okay. I need something sure I can hold onto, but that's hard when I have trust issues. Im sorry that I get attached, and I get hurt too easily. Im sorry im never okay, im sorry im never enough, im sorry I ever came around, im sorry for being born, im sorry I can't be the pretty little girl you want me to be, im sorry that I never know who I am, so I hate everything constantly, im sorry that I shut you out because I was afraid of getting hurt again, im sorry that after you broke my heart it was hard to be your friend, im sorry that I cut my hair, im sorry I made you cheat, im sorry I didn't bit your tongue, suck your dick, and give you what you want, im sorry.
    Im so sorry.