Some days, I wake up feeling exhausted. I feel tired and I don't want to get up from bed. My coffee doesn't taste the same and I overcooked the pasta. There are days when I wake up feeling not myself and I do most of the things wrong and failed and people get disappointed. There are days I feel like I am not doing anything right and I am so lost I couldn't find the path to success and happiness. I feel like what I can only do is to bring such failures and disappointments to every person I encounter. I write bad heartbreak poems covered with melancholic metaphors and tragic stories you don't want to hear. Some days, I am trapped in a labyrinth of faded vague memories of the past and broken promises of people and words that I've lost the chance to say. Some days, I wake up questioning my worth and my purpose.
But there's these random days when I wake up in the morning feeling thankful that I am still breathing and alive. I let myself feel the warmth of the bright rays of sunshine passing through my window and let my ears hear the melody of humming birds on the trees. Some days, my coffee tastes magical it makes me want to start the day with a smile on my face. I do my art and I write about how amazing and flattering it is to see how people's eyes sparkle in wonder as they talk about something they love or how comforting it is to hear the sound of the raindrops on my roof just like my favorite lullaby when I was a kid. Some days, I ride on a bus unafraid of the stares people give me; instead I smile and greet them good morning. There's these random days when I start the day feeling encouraged and motivated to do things. I feel like I can do it right. I feel like I am the best of myself now and I won't let anything or anyone drown me in the sea of negativities and downfalls. And I am thankful for those days.
And I guess perhaps that's really what life is. We will never know the real meaning of genuine happiness if we didn't go through the lowest, saddest, hardest, and darkest times. I have learned the art of being thankful for the little things. Like when I brew my coffee good, when I come right on time in school, when a child smiles at me, when people appreciate my art, when I get to watch the sun set, or when random strangers tell me I am good at something. Sometimes, we are too focused in the big things we forget to take a look and be thankful of the little things life's giving and letting us feel. There are days when I feel so exhausted and distant from everything but I am still thankful because I've learned a lot on those rough and hard times. I am thankful I can still feel the pain simply because that means I'm a human who gets tired and hurt, heals and learns. And I know I still got a long way to go. I didn't go all through that for nothing.
And today, it's one of those random days when I feel thankful for being alive. To the universe, I know you hear me, thank you. Thank you for hurting me, thank you for making me feel things, thank you for the little things, thank you for teaching me. And to myself, I want to remind you that you are always allowed to be sad and to feel not okay. Keep the fire burning. Keep on striving for better things. Keep on learning. I am proud of you.
— cielo grace. // to everyone.