• darkest_of_nights 9w

    There's chaos- mayhem
    in the back of my head.
    Words, pushing me
    to the brink
    of this two sided,
    sharp living.
    The fear of falling
    down to death,
    and letting my blood
    paint upon the ones I love,
    had me standing
    on this sharp edge,
    bleeding, looking at how
    slowly the crimson seeped out
    through wounds that
    didnt want to close.
    I couldn't walk back
    to where I came from,
    and I couldn't leap
    off to my freedom as well.

    Mercilessly bound, trapped.
    how well aware I am
    about the panic
    flooding my veins
    a racing heart,
    pinch of anxiety away
    from bursting open.
    Trembling limbs,
    well hidden under
    words of fake assurance
    weekly therapy, empty pill bottles.

    All the voices
    that screamed in my head,
    eventually turned to this
    steady, spine chilling tune.
    And I fail to choose
    which, I dreaded more.
    A slow, yet loud ringing
    familiar to the sound
    of the last few heartbeats,
    moments away from dying.

    But don't worry
    because today,
    for now at least,
    I breathe
    through this fog, this blur
    hoping to find
    a stable land.

    While in reality
    with every drop of blood
    that trickles down
    from my guarded arms
    to my calloused palms,
    I take a step
    closer to
    the doors of insanity.

    //Infected gashes,
    a pained smile
    "oh, i'm good."
    well rehearsed lies.//