Night is where my none stop thoughts come. The thoughts of the friends I lost, I should get over it. I can't. They brought me so much joy and helped me trust people. One of them ghosted, the rest couldn't understand that people have it worse than others. I have so many disorders that its draining, they only have depression, I wish I only have that instead of 5 different mental disorders. Why god, why am I the rotten egg, I believed in you god. . . But you let me down, you let me lose faith on you and myself. I lost hope, therapy doesn't help. I tried everything to make me happy, why does it work on others but not me? Am I too broken to be fixed. . . God if you can't help me, I will give up. Being alive hurts too much.