T Minus 10
I've gone and wrecked myself again.
My words and thoughts are manic.
I'm stomach sick from my self-made panic.
I've let other worries cage my brain.
So T Minus 10, we meet once more in pain.
Thoughts I've tried so hard to ignore
Bring me to this nauseating place I've been before.
The sun is shining. The sky is clear.
I should be feeling happy and full of cheer!
Yet feeling better seems so far away
I feel positively guilty for feeling awful on such a beautiful day.
Meanwhile: Can't eat. Can't sleep. Can't do. Repeat.
A sickening carousel ride, me stuck to its seat.
Amidst it all the worst feeling inside
Is the biggest feeling, the one I must hide.
The one I can't let my face show.
The one I'm choked up by and want noone to know.
The one I cannot say out loud
The one that solace from only rides in on a rain-filled cloud.
This love of storms holds my only remaining hope.
The rainfall brings perspective to this situation that I need to cope.
To be allowed to still be a dreamer, after the confusing months I've just had.
It sounds sombre to say, but when the sun disappears, I'll be glad.