• navoneil 23w


    Sometimes I'm tongue-tied
    I feel like words will not form easily
    And if they form
    They will not mean anything
    I feel the dryness in my mouth
    Stick to the back of my throat
    Like stillborn thoughts
    I blame it on insomnia
    But the night calls me out
    For not closing my eyes
    When I should
    I feel if I shut my eyes
    I might not feel again
    They say it doesn't work like that
    That the heart offers itself
    In empathy
    If you close your eyes and breathe
    But my breath comes in shallow gasps
    My chest heaves with a dull ache
    As though I've felt too much
    But I feel
    I don't know what I feel
    This is not pain
    Not the throbbing dull pain
    Of the after-effects of living too little
    Or the sharp pain of living too much
    This is a kind of fear
    Like wanting too much to speak
    When there is nothing left to say
    I wish there was a way
    To retrace my steps
    Back to a time of verse
    But I was never any good at remembering maps
    Perhaps that's why I still fancy myself
    An explorer
    A discoverer of myself
    Over and over again
    In silence
    Naming fresh tears upon my face