• kentjaye 9w

    Three hundred days and sixty more
    Past nineteen and a night before
    Hot-blooded and with a thirst
    she might come at me first
    Here she goes
    she thinks she knows
    That I'm the one
    Last time she loved, she played and won
    Ten nights of games, she says she's mine
    Denies I'm bad, this on my mind:

    "No more am I a teen this time
    I kiss her, I don't mean it I'm
    A romantic
    But I'm frantic; I need magic
    Might check if I still got heart
    Got art just to act the part
    Of a gentleman in a coat
    I quote ballads but I'm a player
    Lads, say a prayer
    For me
    For my infamy!"

    Fragments of this story:
    Our shadows under orange lights
    her silence when I'm telling lies
    Hotel rooms and empty hallways
    she would let me grab her always
    I'm not even sorry
    I think we both know this won't last
    she's here to win but losing fast
    This heat, this high, deserves goodbye
    But she just left and I'm alright

    I look back on what went wrong
    And as I contemplate the choices I chose
    I complicate the voices hear
    What is it like to love somebody?
    What is it like to have no fear?
    I only wish I was as strong
    To display the parts of me I hide
    All these playing hearts is a bad addiction
    An affliction
    I'll try to heal from
    I'll make this vow right here and now:
    "I'll be real from here on then"
    The thrill can't pay when hearts get broken


    One hundred days - or ninety-four?
    Past um - I'm not counting anymore
    It has been since this game begun
    And in the end, it's just not fun
    All these epiphanies are like symphonies
    Ringing in my head
    I'm singing them as I lie in bed
    And I wonder and I ponder this:

    "They know my name
    But my name is not me
    It's not the same
    When I say I'm sane
    I'm looking for something to feel
    Something surreal
    Some fling just won't satisfy
    But I justify my misdeeds
    And this leads me into darkness
    But I swear I'm not heartless
    Just give me a chance to fall
    Let me unbuild a wall"

    I gaze on my own reflection
    And asked him: "Who am I?"
    He only mimics my question
    As he looks me in the eye

    But an answer plays inside my mind:
    "You are only a child of the universe
    Too old to do wrong yet too young to be wise
    A boy learning to live and to love
    Pick up the fragments of your broken pride
    Open your heart from the inside
    Unburden yourself from the guilt
    Tear down the pillars you've built
    Player listen, you are fire housed in form
    You may blaze the trail, or warm the night
    You promised to no longer play games
    Hold on to your word and do good for this world"

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    ©kentjaye