You are gone
I never knew I needed you, until it was too late.
My feelings were always torn, between confusion, love and hate.
But now you're gone and I'm just confused, I don't know what to do.
I never said the things I thought, or how I felt for you.
People said I should hate you, like you were not my dad,
for all the things you did, and the times that you were bad.
But I still remember some good things, things you used to do.
It brings up more confusion, about how I felt for you.
There's gaps in my memories, I can't get back, no matter what I try.
They leave me with more questions, of what happened and just why?
If only I could remember! I might not be so confused.
I might not have the feeling, like I had been just used.
I know I was your favourite, everyone else knew that too,
but I never asked for favouritism or special treatment just from you.
There's days that I feel guilty, for not talking to you more,
the feeling cuts me like a knife and shakes me to my core.
The day you met my 3 month old son, I wouldn't let you hold him.
I was deeply scared, no! Petrified! But I had to hold it in.
That day plays over in my mind, like a record on replay,
and now I hate it so very much! I don't know what to say.
So many wishes and broken dreams that live within my mind,
Memories of your nastiness and times that you were kind.
I cannot change these memories, I cannot make them go,
many are just blurry, what truly happened, I don't know.
Even though they plague me and make my mind feel torn,
I must accept I'll never know, now that you are gone......