• elliri 10w

    You are gone

    I never knew I needed you, until it was too late.
    My feelings were always torn, between confusion, love and hate.
    But now you're gone and I'm just confused, I don't know what to do.
    I never said the things I thought, or how I felt for you.

    People said I should hate you, like you were not my dad,
    for all the things you did, and the times that you were bad.
    But I still remember some good things, things you used to do.
    It brings up more confusion, about how I felt for you.

    There's gaps in my memories, I can't get back, no matter what I try.
    They leave me with more questions, of what happened and just why?
    If only I could remember! I might not be so confused.
    I might not have the feeling, like I had been just used.

    I know I was your favourite, everyone else knew that too,
    but I never asked for favouritism or special treatment just from you.
    There's days that I feel guilty, for not talking to you more,
    the feeling cuts me like a knife and shakes me to my core.

    The day you met my 3 month old son, I wouldn't let you hold him.
    I was deeply scared, no! Petrified! But I had to hold it in.
    That day plays over in my mind, like a record on replay,
    and now I hate it so very much! I don't know what to say.

    So many wishes and broken dreams that live within my mind,
    Memories of your nastiness and times that you were kind.
    I cannot change these memories, I cannot make them go,
    many are just blurry, what truly happened, I don't know.

    Even though they plague me and make my mind feel torn,
    I must accept I'll never know, now that you are gone......
    ©elliri