I don’t want to be me,
I want to run like someone
Who thawed out of Dante’s icebox,
And I want to scream and it
Be a relief,
Just scream Like insanity.
I’m insane and it’s everything to know
You hear that.
I only tell you,
Because I’m sure you are,
Or either I’m too far for existentialism.
We haven’t spoken in a while,
Nor do I choke on my tongue so often anymore;
Nor do I suffocate, sweating in the crowd now:
But of course I do all this often.
I fear you
While I count all the fallacies of your life:
Not the actions but the principles you wobble on –
The sand, hollow, and ashes wet.
You see, a grave is the most meaning most get,
(Sure, we can be pretentious:
Any confidence is; Any self-pity
Is selfishness, narcissism –
What could be true
Is it death, is it life:
Which is most important?
Are either at all?
Its been said that meaning
Is a man-made invention:
It is only what we see.
Maybe God wants me
To preach and smile.
I yearn and grind yet
And I’m certain the feeling is divine condemnation,
(Not from within…
But maybe it is –
I’m not the one who would know anyway.