Why do i feel? Either so much. Or nothing at all. And If i feel, why should I pretend not to? Why should I go on with life and ignore parts of me that's confused, lost and dying? Why can't i question it? What's wrong with me. What wrong with the things I do, or did or will do? There's a heart beating in me and there's a fear hiding in my mind. I don't want to be shallow, I want to dive deep into my emotions. I want to know answers. I want to find questions. I want to understand the process. I want to accept the mistakes. I want to pray for me. I want to ask for things. There's so much I want, but there's nothing I want to pretend. I don't want you to think I am okay when I am not. I don't want you to say shake it and move on because I don't want to do that either. I want to stick to the confusion untill it gets solved. Untill I know what's really wrong I don't want to move on now. I want to live in this misery as long as it leaves me forever. And you can't tell me I am stupid to do that because you don't want to bear with it. You want me numb and weak, so you can use me however you want. So you can meet all your expectations through me, you can vent all the things on me that's bothering you. Instead of talking clear, or working on your own emotions, you try to use me as a tool for your distraction? You know how evil is that? All of us here, are suffering. Stop using others to distract yourself from your sufferings. Deal with them yourself. Only you can do that. Because you will always find other people shallow of your sufferings. They cant understand you just like they think you cant understand them. No matter how deep you or they are. Everyone's becomes shallow and clueless when it comes to others.