• evoletgrayce 5w

    The Call:

    I’m not sure why I answered my mother’s call. I was already angry with her after hearing some new information from my sister yesterday. But, my mother was calling repeatedly and texting demanding that I answer.
    When I finally did, I was shocked by the first words out of her mouth.
    “Chris fucking touched you and your sister?! Why the fuck didn’t you tell me??”
    My heart dropped.
    Before I could reply, she went into a tirade about how she raised him from a “pitiful, abandoned 5 year old” and had always done her best for him, and he turned around and did THAT.
    She then started claiming that the only reason my sister left home was because my brother had been abusing her, and that now her own hands were clean of any wrong doing. “I knew I was a good mother,” she said, all before I could even get the first word in. When I tried to speak, she broke in with
    “What did he do to you? You were MY baby. How could he betray me like that?”
    All I could do was ask her if my sister had said something, and if so, what?
    But she bypassed my question altogether and started talking about how hard it would be for her to have a relationship with him now. “You just won’t be able to understand until you’re a mother,” she said. “I can’t believe this. I finally went to his house last week” (uninvited, and for the first time since New Years) “and he barely spoke to me. The baby would not even let me hold him! He’s such a little tit.”
    She was using her “pity me” voice now, and I decided to just stay silent for as long as I could while she talked. I really did not want to discuss any of this with her.
    She went on to say, and I quote “your dad would die - AGAIN - if he knew about any of this and how your brother is treating me. We were all so close when he was alive, and the boys have made it all go to shit since then! All I have left are you and your sister, and even she is mad at me, so you are the only one I can talk to! I doubt they will even come to my wedding!”
    She then repeated herself, driving home the same points over and over again until I told her I absolutely had to go. I couldn’t listen to her anymore.

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    Disclaimer/Trigger warning:
    Sexual abuse

    (I tried to sum up the hour long phone conversation in the description.)

    How dare you make yourself the victim? How could ANYONE, regardless of being a narcissist, ever think it was okay to confront their daughter with being sexually abused, and then make the conversation all about themselves? This is NOT about YOU! You do not get to be the center of the story, and you damn sure do not get to make yourself look like a better mother because of it! You FAILED to protect me, you FAILED to protect my sister, and before then, you FAILED to protect my brother before he ever even knew HOW to hurt children. We were all sexually abused! You just never noticed because you were either drunk or never home!
    This was not accidental. It was a result of pure negligence on YOUR part.
    You did not care that you lost my siblings eventually. You then just directed all of your abuse and neglect onto me. You act shocked that my brother hurt me, but what about the cafe, mom?
    What about that back room that you forced me to go into with all of the other children while you got drunk and high in the front? Do you know what happened there? Did you know that everyone knew there were children alone back there, including creepy drunk men? What do you think they did when they went back there to “check” on us? Did you think they were giving us freaking candy?? No! They were doing the same sorts of things my brother taught me to do, constantly!
    Do you know that I still fight flashbacks every single day from that time? Or that I still can’t trust men that I do not know extremely well?
    Would you even care if you did, or would you find some way to try to make others pity you?
    I want to be done. I want to find a way to turn off all of the emotional connections I have toward you. I want to be strong enough to block your number and social media accounts for good. I’m praying now that someday I will have that strength.
    I’m tired of being repeatedly hurt. I’m tired of desperately seeking your love when even in the darkest of matters, all you can think about is yourself.
    I deserve better and so does everyone else you manipulate.