• storylife 24w

    feelings... part 1

    in the 21 years I've been here in life, I've learned, I've suffered, I've known happiness, and hatred, love, passion, sadness, greed, and lots of lessons
    til this very moment, I've realized that we never get what we want easily, we never get happy without a price, and we never taste the satisfaction without a hard work, we never get things for free, this is life that gives us a form of living, labels,stupid rules to follow, bills to pay, studies to finish, and most important, how to grt money.
    we all have been taught to deal with some kind of labels on us, borders not to cross, to do what others do without thinking, we were all ignorants thinking we could be normal by doing stuff by their way, but no. it was wrong

    in this very life, there are people with different personalities, genders, moods, zodiac signs, feelings, sexual orientation,religions,cults, nationalities, race, color, that life had to put some kind of tag to them
    as myself, im a girl, gemini, muslim, middle eastern, brunette, lesbian and sad, yes sad
    I've lived all my life in a house with my family had a semi normal life, i was a smart child, good grades, bright, and chubby yeaah,
    i was so sad because i was chubby, i had to wear tight clothes coz society didn't like chubby kids, o felt bad and guilty
    when i grew up i always had that idea of being fat even when i wasn't
    i lost weight about 20 pounds and still feeling fat
    i grew up thinking i had something to do to change myself
    then i got over it
    as a child, i never liked boys, they were so annoying, i didn't want to play with them in my classroom at school, i didn't want to talk to them coz they tries to cheat in exam from my paper
    i didn't like their look
    i grew up, at 16, i was really smart at school, i had nothing to worry about, when i saw other girls with boys, i felt strange and gross at the same time, i felt weird and scared, a mix of feelings around my head, i had to check something about me
    i grew up, at 18 still want to be single and hide the secret that i discovered about myself
    i just wanted to be away from boys, meanwhile there where lots of them talking to me
    my friends showing me pictures of her crush and im thinking that he's ugly
    i just wanted something different than that
    i wanted love but not boys
    i wanted care but not boys
    i didn't know what to do
    i hated receiving messages from guys with sweet talk, i wanted that but from other person
    living with this feeling about all my teenage years
    i decided not to have any relationship for a year
    i stopped accepting any messages from guys
    stopped thinking about love
    about feelings
    and everytime someone talked about guys with lust, i just wanted to talk about someone like that, i thought maybe if i loved a guy that much ill like guys, but didn't work
    j was stuck
    i didnt know what to do
    for that long i didn't feel my heart beat for someone.....................