• disruption 6w

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    Somewhere amid the pain, it feels good
    to know that it's not just me who is hurting.
    Someone somewhere is hurting too.
    "Someone"? No, everybody hurts. Everybody
    knows pain. Everybody gets betrayed.
    But a few of them are the sensitive souls,
    so sensitive that they can remember their
    hurt crystal clear for years. That's how
    much things can captivate a person's
    mind. When somebody is in pain, they show
    a thousand signs which I can safely say that
    I notice. And when when I do, I act. I try to
    save as many people from the hurt as I can.
    This isn't what upsets me. What deeply
    saddens me is that I travel that extra mile
    to do everything that I can to help people.
    Even though tired, even though exhausted
    and even though in intense pain myself, I
    still take that one extra step just to help
    people. And all of this, I do not do for
    selfish reasons. I do this because I care.
    I do this because I don't want anybody else
    to reach the level I'm on. I do everything for
    everybody, out of love and affection. But
    why do the wise say, "What you give comes
    back to you" when it's only hurt that keeps
    coming back to me no matter how kind
    my acts are? Why is it the most hurtful
    words that are shot my way? I try to be
    so gentle with my words and yet why does
    everybody's words feel like perfect bullets
    going right through me? No act of kindness
    that I do is ever valued because all I keep
    getting is so much more pain. Should I
    stop caring? Should I stop being good?
    Because being good only does me harm.
    Being caring and loving is draining all
    my energy. If I let myself care, all I feel
    is pain. And I'm too tired to suffer from
    any more pain. I am too tired of seeing
    people hurt me and walk away pretending
    like they are the victims. How many more
    years of horror before it all ends? How
    many more wounds before people realize
    how bad they have hurt me? How many
    more sleepless nights and how many
    more tears on the bathroom floor? Simply,
    how much more pain and sorrow? I no
    longer hold the capacity to endure any
    more of it. I just want the pain to end but
    it just doesn't no matter what I do. I am
    caught in a loop of hurt and pain that I am
    unable to break free from. I need it to end.

    ©disrupted