I don't want to pretend to be happy or strong because I am none of that. I am fragile with these emotions that seem to be pulling me in every direction. I just want to yell, yell it all out or cry it all out. I've done just about everything to feel like I am happy. How long did that last? Clearly not long enough. I'm sad and I miss you so much. With so many things unsaid I am left here to wonder will I ever get a chance to do you right? I know the answer and it kills me. I lost apart of myself that night. Apart I don't think I can ever regain. I've lost you, now I'm here in this crowded place, searching for you everywhere and I know I see you in the stars, whenever I look up, there you are, there you will be. I miss you so much. I just want you to know, I'm trying. I'm trying so fucking hard.