• christina863 6w

    Temporary

    Tonight I found out what you truly wanted in life. What you want your life to turn out to be before you grow old. How you dream and what your dreams are about... And the hardest part of listening to your dream.. is we both know, it doesn't include me. Because I can no longer have kids. You want to come home and have your son or daughter come running to you and yell daddy I miss you.. and in all honesty I want that for you too. But the reality of what you are saying, when you say your roommates told you not to give all your love to the wrong person... (bc you will not be able to love like that again)... and thats why you can't give all your love to me... man that shit hurts to the core!! Bc what you are saying without saying it... is I'm the wrong person. And WOW does that sting. it really is hard to swallow that shit. Bc part of me says well then wtf did you do this for... tell me you love me. That you want us to be together. That we are together now is only going to make things 10 times harder in the end. And obviously its going to end. Bc you always remind me of it. Like you have to keep making sure I don't fully fall for you. But its just too late. I know it and you know it. The one time Im happy. The one time I am loved back. The one time he is nice to me. I haven't had that in so long. But until it all ends... I don't want to go anywhere. Bc I would rather have 5 minutes of your time that you are willing to share with me .... then have a lifetime of regret and doubt wondering.. what if I had stayed until he didn't want me anymore. What if I hadn't given up on us just to save myself from hurting? What if... I choose not to have what ifs, doubt and regret... and to be happy with every minute I can have with you. Bc you are worth every minute... and more. To me you are worth it all. The happiness, the fun, laughing, playing. And you are even worth the sadness in knowing we won't live happily ever after. The sadness of knowing someone else will some day take my place. The sadness that I have to dwell on the fact that some other woman is gonna have you love them and touch them the way you do me. That she is gonna be the one to wake up in your arms every day and fall asleep in your arms every night. The sadness that I will never be what you want in life. The sadness that my one chance at complete and total happiness.. is all a lie... it's only temporary... and I hate it
    ©christina863