• fortemgem 5w

    gray

    today i'm shutting off
    I'll neither be happy or sad
    i won't stand too long
    i won't look in anyone's way

    i won't bother to pick myself up
    and i won't do anything to push myself down
    it won't be black or white
    it won't be pink or blue
    it won't be yellow or green
    Maybe, just be gray.

    i'll fade but i won't dissapear
    i'm alive but i won't live
    they say life is a rollercoaster
    i'll sit but i won't make it move

    the highs and the lows
    repeats itself
    over and over
    over and over

    the pressure, the secrets
    these thoughts
    they're vicious
    they are an unending echo
    and if i outrun them
    In time, they'll find me

    "i'm tired" i beg again and again
    when i close my eyes to picture the sky.
    i know you can hear me
    i know you can see me
    i know you can see the storms stirring
    inside me

    years long of this
    i'm circling back to where it began
    i am asking you to save me
    but you want me to save myself
    something, i still don't have the guts to do

    is this a lesson you want me to learn?
    it's too painful
    it's too exhausting
    i'm stubborn but you know i'm just scared

    if i can't learn
    if i can't be brave
    will you leave me here?

    ©fortemgem