• mydhily_sunilkumar 6w

    Something I wrote long back

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    How a little lust changes everything.

    Oh you were such a small thing,
    My little brother,
    And I loved you with all my heart.
    Like you're my own.
    Oh of course, the same blood flows through our veins.
    You grew. I noticed that..
    But Alas, I didn't notice enough.
    Well, you were the smallest among us.
    My little brother, do you remember that night?
    The night we slept on the same bed.
    You, me in the middle and your sister.
    It was such a normal and pure thing.
    You were a baby to me. My little cousin.
    Oh you said you don't remember.
    And That you were dead asleep.
    Both of us know that is a lie.
    Right, little brother??
    Like how you were wide awake
    And I was cautious.
    Oh I still remember the feeling of something being pressed on my thigh.
    How you pretended to be sleeping while your hands were reaching for my chest.
    Scared, confused, not able to believe.
    Well, you were/are my little brother.
    I your sister.
    Couldn't process a sister without doing anything, aorused her brother.
    I couldn't take it. I left the room.
    Thankfully nothing regretful or sinful happened.
    And it dawned on me that you aren't the little boy anymore.
    I forgave that. I forgave it for the hormonal impulses of a young teenage boy.
    I remember hugging my sisters and weeping.
    But I had to tell the adults. You had to be corrected.
    Had no hatred. Just disappointment and forgivance.
    And you shocked me.You lied. You lied and cried.
    Threatened with suicide to get your parents on your side.
    Said you hadn't slept so well in days.
    And I recalled my conversation with you.
    How you asked me why I wasn't asleep and how I asked the same to you because you were so restless.
    Your mom cried to me. Apologised to me.
    I was heartbroken.
    I know she believes me. But what other choice does she have when her son says he will die.
    You called me up. And cried. And apologized saying you don't remember a thing.
    That whatever happened, happened while he was asleep.
    Many skeletons were dug out.
    You kind of even blamed your brother who always got your back for taking you on the wrong path.
    You are disgusting.
    Two years, and look at you, so happy about with your life built on lies.
    Yet no courage to come in front of me. How long will you hide?? How long can you?
    But look at me, two years and still in the trauma.
    I doubt every single guy I know now.
    An accidental touch or a brush of the body and I am cautious.
    Looking behind my back..
    Can you blame me?
    My blood-brother had sinful thoughts about me.
    What do I think of the others then?
    You are the reason I feel distant to your family.
    We were like bread and butter but now look at us.
    You are the reason of it all.
    You are the reason that every brother from this side of the family now feels distant to me.
    When you lied, the question of me misunderstanding came up.
    That was atrocious.
    What woman am I if I can't differentiate a good touch and a bad touch at age of 21??
    Your lies lead to your sister, who is not just a sister but also a best friend to me also doubting me.
    That pain. This stress. This fear of all men.
    This living in constant cautiousness.
    I don't deserve any of it.
    Now you are a nobody to me.
    But I miss my lovely aunt. I miss being able to be myself around her. I miss being able to open up to my cousin sister. I want things to go back to the way they were.
    But will it??
    I'll accept you are my brother.
    But only after you accept what you did in front of your family and mine.
    Then I will forgive you and there won't be a stain.
    Cuz inside my heart in that not so visited corner, you still are my brother.
    The same boood flows through our veins.
    Until then you will be considered a stranger.


    ©mydhily_sunilkumar