This is the tale of a young girl. The story begins not at her early twenties, but in her very childhood days.
She was a lean, fair child when she was in her 5-6 years of age. She was not at all a studious kinda girl. She was a free bird and a bit trouble for teachers since she was talkative. From her kg level, she was reared in a convent school which was exclusively for girls. She never encountered a boy child other than her brother or neighborhood boys of similar age. No matter it is classroom or home, she keeps talking to everyone irrespective of their age. And she was lovely because of that.
Most often she used to play in her neighborhood. And her neighbor, an aunt, used to bring her house mostly and offer cookies. So it was among her hobbies to go over there.
The first frightening experience happened in her life that day. One day, on a holiday, as usual Linda went over there. But that aunt was not there and her nephew was there. He was also their neighbor and he is a kinda person most of them likes because of his good natured behavior. That time they were alone there. He made her sit over his lap. And she din't find nothing unusual because he is like that, only when others are around. But suddenly he started to hug Linda tightly and not letting her free out of that, smacked her lips. Suddenly she slapped him without having clear knowledge about his behavior. At that time she doubted his intention. She runs off from that place and cried silently under the coat. She din't dare to tell anybody because she feared that no one is gonna believe. But that fear started to grow up with her. Somewhat it affected her studies too.
Together with that, she got another bitter experience that unexpectedly, she witnessed her parents doing sex which again made her down. That time she repressed all this without knowing she was wounded from all this. Since she studied in girls convent school, situations keep her away from boys.
All the above bitter experiences together with the protective female oriented environment she was brought into made her to have a strange feeling against the male community. Very soon Linda went to another school for her higher secondary education which was a mixed school. She finds it hard to mingle and get along with boys. Whenever a boy came to be friendly with her, she found it as an attack to her personal space. She was arrogant enough to keep them away. That trust issue was not a joke. But she only focussed on her studies to mold a great career in her further life. That time she noticed and came to know about the patriarchal set up, she was living till that moment. She silently noticed all the roaring over her mother and the visible signs of gender disparities. She began to think in an opposite direction. She questioned silently that how can someone shout over others, insult others, to make others as a slave,or to hit others self esteem. She asked the question to her herself.
From this environment she shaped her identity. She was not accepting all those things, but was questioning all these practices, but in a silent way. Since she was dependent in many ways she subsides all those disagreements. Her physical, biological, psychological development was all normal. She felt feelings when she was in college. But was not ready to accept that she felt so. She suppressed it hardly so that it can't come again. She couldn't trust any other that so easily. And her only focus was on her studies. She behaved rudely to others who showed interest to her and befriended many.
Linda wished for an independent, bolder life. So that she wishes to do things alone and she hoped for doing higher studies away from home, away from the district. She has done it. She started to rely on herself in many ways. She became very bold and strong when compare with her peers. Everyone admired her for her bold identify which was unshakeable.
Slowly she started to talk much with boys first time in her life. With no gender difference she talked nicely with them. But again, when they showed interest for a relationship she cut off that contact itself. The remainings of the earlier wound left in her.
For Linda, it was not easy to accept a partner that time. She was not so prepared, since the healing was incomplete. She hated all sorts of dominance from anyone. Apart herself, she never depended upon anyone completely. She started to speak against the patriarchal dominance and resisted in all possible ways. She hated dependency in any relationships.
Later she acknowledges that healing was progressing in her. Now she has forgiven the person who hurt her when she was a child. The importance of time was huge in her life to accept and to forgive many things. That process is still not completely done. It's working. She was even brave enough to respond to a professor who was flirting with his own students and colleagues.
She was not ready for a marriage, but she accepted the culture and the so-called pressure of the social system where she is living. She was not willing to accept a person without even knowing much, but agreed to an arranged marriage.
She takes much time to accept and trust a person which is very healthy in present time. Still, she is longing for a partner who accept her as an independent person without limiting her skies under his roof. Linda is brave because she has done every struggle by herself with time. She never compared her with anyone which is very meaningless. She never gives up anything but always shows the courage to try. She is kind inside, but always shielded with a strong self which is not flexible all the time to everyone. She never bows her head to all she find it worthless and selective when it comes to relationships. And she is strong enough to turn everything in a positive direction but with time.