• mythila 6w

    Sometimes I just feel lonely. Empty yet heavy, numb yet hurt, infact so many things which I probably can't write down right now. It sounds very frustrating to me when I tell myself that I cannot do anything about it. Because I don't know what kind of a feeling is this. Am I hurting, am I just sad or maybe both or maybe none. I cannot find it out. Now I'm not saying that there's no reason for this disgusting, gut wrenching feeling which keeps coming and going back and forth but I don't know how this reason is affecting me so much when I am so sure about getting over it. I have my parents, my relatives and my friends with me, to support me. But there are just somethings which you cannot keep on telling everyone. Especially, when you are not sure of what are you supposed to do in that particular situation. But you see, I have heard this very beautiful line in a movie that, "Suffering is a very personal thing". And at this point I don't know what could be better than this line to keep myself going. It's personal because there is no one to share that feeling with you in situations where you are sitting nicely dressed in room full of people but thinking about controlling your tears so that once you reach home you can wet your pillow yet again or when you're on the verge of a breakdown but the next minute you have to give a presentation. You might even give the best presentation out of everyone but you don't feel happy because the hurt is so so heavy that nothing could weigh it down. We are capable of feeling things which stay in our subconscious even after the moment has passed and it's been a very long since. But all we can do about it is that we can keep hurting more or confront the issue and get over it for once, but you see we become so familiar with that pain that we are scared to lose it, because we've lost so many things associated with so many feelings that we're in no mood to repeat that cycle. This pain is like a wild exotic bird which you find while camping and like it so much that bring it back home and pet it, it serves it's purpose by pleasing your eyes whenever you see it, similarly whenever you have this void in your soul or a feeling of emptiness, you catch on to this pain and keep sulking so that you don't have a feeling of confusion, you don't have answers to find. But little do you realize that this wild bird can only survive in the wild, just like this pain can only survive in a mind where there questions yet to be answered so that this pain can serve it's purpose. But what if you have all the answers and all you need to do is just connect the dots, because this pain has no purpose to serve , sooner or later it will cause that same sense of dilemma you were running from and the cycle will keep repeating itself, let that pain liberate out of your soul so that the mind you caged it in can again become a healthy place for happiness to stay in.

    ©mythila