• imgoing2hell 23w


    I told myself not to be afraid,
    But it's harder than I thought.
    To forget all the horrors going
    on around and inside of me.
    It's probably why I don't sleep,
    and when I do, the screams in my
    head are always softer than my silence.
    Silence is more deafening than the increasingly
    loud volume of my heart beating;
    It always makes room for the bad thought to
    wiggle their way in.
    It's never enough to constantly be
    in pain, I always have to hurt more.

    Will you catch me?
    I'm falling.
    The darkness of despair is
    spreading its wings inside my heart,
    laying its eggs in my thoughts,
    "Kill yourself"
    "You won't feel any pain."
    Yes, I will.
    "You hate this world anyway.
    It's too loud.
    The people are obnoxious and rude.
    You shroud yourself in darkness, anyway.
    Take my hand and
    I will away all your pain."
    No, you're wrong.
    Life here is painful,
    I agree, but it's so much more.
    It's beautiful.
    And I'm simply,
    Fading away.
    Like Fall.

    I've had Post traumatic stress disorder for about half a decade (maybe more, but it was officially diagnosed around that time), so I'm always seeing things that aren't there. Even if I know they're not there, I can still see them or hear them. Some days are better than most. That was a bad day.

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    The screams in my head are always softer
    than the sound of my silence.