• gmendoza 9w

    My entire life ...

    Days are endless struggle.
    More hopeful and happy pills today,
    Im trying to feel "normal"
    But trying to not to go away.

    It seems like that is the struggle
    It's always here with me,
    I wouldn't be here now
    If guilt would leave me be.

    There has been many
    Who've had it worse than me,
    But that doesn't always mean
    That I wouldn't say good-bye.

    People say I have a lot going for me.
    I'm sorry, I just can't see through your eyes
    because my worst enemy
    Is not my life but inside of me.

    I'm always on a roller coaster,
    No consistency.
    I'm nothing, I'm not up or down.
    I'm nothing, just "me."

    Lack of energy,
    Desire to stay in bed,
    Wanting to be enthusiastic and hopeful
    Instead, I am feeling like I am made of lead.

    My mind is cluttered, thinking...
    It's hard to keep in touch with friends
    What is happening around me
    not worry right, am I overthinking too much ?

    I feel that everybody is better than me
    And I can't do anything right.
    This is how I've felt my whole damn life;
    It didn't start yesterday or last night.

    No confidence, no self-esteem.
    Everybody else is right..
    To speak my mind, just to be a fool,
    ... I just try to "sit tight."

    Any one of these problems
    Would be a heavy vice,
    But when you have them all
    Living seems like a roll of the dice.

    I realize what this thought is,
    Depression and an unknown name
    Like I said, I had this feeling my entire life
    That's right , it is suicide.