My entire life ...
Days are endless struggle.
More hopeful and happy pills today,
Im trying to feel "normal"
But trying to not to go away.
It seems like that is the struggle
It's always here with me,
I wouldn't be here now
If guilt would leave me be.
There has been many
Who've had it worse than me,
But that doesn't always mean
That I wouldn't say good-bye.
People say I have a lot going for me.
I'm sorry, I just can't see through your eyes
because my worst enemy
Is not my life but inside of me.
I'm always on a roller coaster,
I'm nothing, I'm not up or down.
I'm nothing, just "me."
Lack of energy,
Desire to stay in bed,
Wanting to be enthusiastic and hopeful
Instead, I am feeling like I am made of lead.
My mind is cluttered, thinking...
It's hard to keep in touch with friends
What is happening around me
not worry right, am I overthinking too much ?
I feel that everybody is better than me
And I can't do anything right.
This is how I've felt my whole damn life;
It didn't start yesterday or last night.
No confidence, no self-esteem.
Everybody else is right..
To speak my mind, just to be a fool,
... I just try to "sit tight."
Any one of these problems
Would be a heavy vice,
But when you have them all
Living seems like a roll of the dice.
I realize what this thought is,
Depression and an unknown name
Like I said, I had this feeling my entire life
That's right , it is suicide.