• gwencanfield 9w

    August Burns Red

    36 and 3 dozen
    on the corner of
    8th and division.
    The past is behind us
    The future is in our head.
    The next step so uncertain
    But August burns red.
    The people here are like me
    Yet, I stand, as one alone.
    I know who is my neighbor
    A hat I wear with pride.
    It wasn't always this way
    Too busy, mainly to notice.
    With 18 years of blending in
    And the first 18 forced to hide.
    Division street runs right through
    separating North from the South
    Just like a line drawn in the middle.
    or like a thin line drawn
    in the sand
    where one side is reality
    and the other is the mirrored Doorway to Alice in Wonderland.
    Industry and acceptance.
    A chance to make a name.
    Its a steak of ground
    Or an old movie set
    Where the legend lives on.
    In this town of Dodge
    Is a taste of the Wild
    A Wild Western City
    with a pioneering soul
    Just like what's still left in me
    And what's left of
    the rest of this little girl.....
    I tucked her away in the
    attic shelves of my mind.
    I put her way up
    on the top Shelf
    Where she'd be hard to find.
    Tucked away now
    18 years ago.
    18 years she's been hiding.
    18 years tucked away.
    18 years never let out
    to even visit or to play.
    But I still know she's up there.
    She hasn't run or gone away,
    or given up or given in
    to anxious thoughts,
    or Sad despair.
    Now on this epic
    Turning Point day....
    The story of the three dozen,
    August brings with it
    Yet another year,
    but this one is not
    Quite the same.
    The difference I
    now find in it,
    is that of it being the year
    Of my 36-th birthday.
    I now have another
    18 year old ready,
    to Tuckaway.
    To meet my first 18 yr old....
    I wonder if they'll be companions and play.
    I wonder if they'll be friends. Or will they rather be enemies and fight till The Bitter End. This second 18 is
    not unlike the first.
    She started out well, wise-beyond-her-years.
    She camouflaged, Blended in. She mixed it up and then
    She managed to stay
    at the helm of this ship
    that I call me.
    And steered my life
    For Better or For Worse
    and for the most part
    did me well,
    until she started
    to spiraled down
    And crossed that line
    that led to alices
    Wild rabbit hole.
    Both these girls are
    Quite serious
    and both of them quite wise. With very different upbringings
    And very different reasons why.
    But both, somehow still came through
    with a naivety and innocence left fully intact.
    But with plenty of scars and emotional triggers.
    Their hearts still young
    Beat full of kindness
    and bleed with grace
    and forgiveness
    Why the first came first,
    Who knows? But she burned inseperable from her.....
    The empty hollownes
    of her stolen innocence.
    Innocent as a child
    but that which was
    quickly lost,
    aged well beyond her years
    She ended up quite
    broken down and
    feeling alone and lost.
    Disabled, dependent,
    on crutches, sticking out....
    like a sore thumb or
    a black hole on the sun, darkened by its blot.
    The second 18
    came in like a storm
    Strong goals in sight
    very purposefully driven.
    Revenge being served up
    as the main dish
    She jump started her 18
    by learning fast,
    Despite a steep curve.....
    but served up with
    the best of intentions
    quickly finding out,
    That having a purpose
    or designed plan
    isn't all that is needed.
    When the second of these 2 realized
    that no matter how hard she tried
    she never could erase or change the history of
    that first 18 year old child...
    or lose or forget her memories the legacy of the first little girl, and that in trying to do so,
    she was chasing dreams....
    while running from her own ghosts reflecting mein.
    what a normal recipe for nightmarish results
    That insurrmountable goal would prove to be....
    as revenge is best served up cold,
    Its not meant to be hot or heavy.
    So here I stand now,
    at the corner of 8th and Division
    my life here in this rebellious town
    Awake, Alive and fully embracing
    whatever comes next for me.
    White Privilege is the minority here but that's okay
    because her's divorced her long ago
    Leaving her with less than nothing.
    Just like all the illegal aliens and refugees
    making this town their home starting from scratch
    starting from low
    but standing, head held high on the diving board
    the upcoming turn of events
    is the first of all of my own
    the Uncharted tale....
    the end of my beginning
    are you with me
    or are you not?
    is your gun fully loaded
    or is it only half-cocked?
    this pedestal that
    I'm standing on
    is a springboard only,
    heavy with the baggage
    that I already carry.
    But still I stand,
    ready to speak.
    To spring, to take the plunge!
    I'm ready for the next 18.
    Those next years are right
    on the horizon.
    The first was for my breaking.
    The second was to be my healing.
    The third, I have no clue
    what to even expect,
    but I know that it will prove to be cool and exciting.
    Turning 36 is the first
    of many over the hills,
    In the path before those turning it.
    It is the first path
    that has not been
    already traversed.....
    Littered on..... or in
    anyway perverted.
    No more excuses now
    and no more crutches.
    No marks, no signs, no free pass......
    Just hope and a heart filled, with a Pocketful
    of some very Great Expectations.
    ┬ęgwencanfield