somedays I can feel suicide
I can feel its hunger
i can taste the neverending desire for more.
and it wraps around you throat to take your breathe
it swallows me whole on days when the clouds suffocates the sun/earth.
I've always wanted to fly
feel the air pulling at my chest
flying faster and faster
as I get closer to reality
to fly and to never have to touch the ground again is a gift I'd be willing to die for.
sitting here question my life's worth
wondering if I hang myself to this shower rod will they steal heal my body
wondering if I throw myself off this balcony will I still wake up
I wish I had someone to tell these thoughts to
know im not crazy
why is it crazy to not wanna live?
Why am I mental when I dream of death?
We're all owed death and choice
so why when I lust for my right to choose to die
end this dying breed of my mine, I'm deemed unstable.
I feel the water on my skin
as I float to the bottom
the bottom catches me.
rope holds my body
exposes my dirty secrets
throw me in a pit of fire
hang my skin to dry
take out my soul and incinerate my body
tell the world that I'm the last of my kind
I know what this world has set for me
I know what was planned for me
I know that my people have been cursed
deuteronomy says it so
burn my hands off
cut my vocal chords so theres no scream
with a disease that no one can reverse
I dont want to live a life where I'm not eternally happy
I don't want to have to question my next steps
I dont want to think about the worst
there are nights where my demons choke me
they squeeze the joy out of me
in the morning I wake exhausted from spending the night with my demons.