• nickoleconnolly88 11w

    Killing myself

    I torture myself, I let myself down,
    I convinced myself I'm worthless and no one wants me around.
    I abuse myself daily I don't go outside,
    For within these 4 walls I keep it hidden inside.
    I don't tell a soul of how much pain I feel,
    I pretend that I'm ok and that's how I deal.
    My heart is broken my voice is gone,
    I'm alive and I am barely holding on.
    I have no drive to get up and give ,
    I need a push up from the floor I live.
    Ive tried to kill myself but it didn't work out,
    I want to scream and tell and shout.
    I'm tired I'm lonely I'm down on my luck,
    I have nothing to give I'm broken I'm stuck.
    I've lost all who loved me I pushed them away,
    I was ashamed of myself for feeling this way.
    I let myself hate even my name,
    and I've constantly ignored the door when people came.
    I've lied and I've told you that I'm really ok,
    But I'm not I'm so sad and I don't want it this way.
    I let myself be buried by people who were hurting my life,
    I've taken pills and sliced my wrist with a knife.
    I've been beaten and bullied and told I was crazy,
    Manipulated and isolated now I get called lazy.
    .I am not all that confident I think that I'm fat,
    I'm ugly I'm useless and old and just chat.
    I'm putrid I'm mental and I need to be caged,
    I am not looking good for a woman my age.
    My partner he hates me he can't get it up,
    and he says that I smell and that I'm a slut.
    He makes me feel lower than anyone else
    and pretends that he loves me,
    But that can't see.
    He won't have to worry soon I'll be dead,
    I'll finish it off and get out of my head.
    I'll tell you a story and yes it's all true,
    ,I was trying my whole life without being accepted by you.
    My heart has been abandoned and I'm over the pain, you won't have to burden yourself ever again.
    I'm leaving forever in my own way,
    You'll be happy once my life goes away
    ©nickoleconnolly88