that's when they called me and said to get to you. I couldn't breathe for what felt like an hour trying to find my shoes. the whole ride here I was trying to accept the fact that within two hours, my mother will no longer be on the same planet as me. or anywhere. I've held your hand, I've cuddled up to you, and I'm slowly watching your chest move less and less. I'm really scared because I've never faced the world without you. I really don't understand why you have to go right now. I was planning to atleast have one more Christmas with you. but 10 days prior you've decided to go. I wasn't really prepared to spend this Christmas alone for the first time. I will probably sit at your gravesite until my toes are too cold to move.