My Once Reality
I always thought, the day I turn 52 is the day I'd die. I never liked old.. I'd choose pills to sleep forever over complaining about my cracked knees or hurting back. or both, if that matters.
Then, I met her! When I saw her for the first time, I was just SO SURE! I knew I'd do anything to win her over and my whole life wouldn't be enough to love her enough. I'd need a lot of time, so I cancelled my plans. For better or worse, I'm now this new person but in the end, she was never sure.
Everytime she revisits me as the pain from an old wound, I'd embrace her with my all. After all, she made me feel alive or maybe it was just a blast of Dopamine.
Life isn't all fairy tales. She sure might be the one but unlike her, there might be someone who can be sure about me. Someone to whom, I don't have to be more than myself. Someone to whom, I'm enough the way I am. Someone, who can love me just the way I love her.
Damn! That thought just killed my dreams with her. The tiny blue and minivan, green eyes and 5 kids.. they all gotta vanish now from my future to stay prisoners of my past.. or my once reality.
I'd drain my love through my eyes so I can finally see. or find..
My love, the nights we spent and times we cherished, I hope you don't think they're a mistake. Because they weren't. It was pure love. My stares, your smiles and our lips.. They all met cuz we loved. I promised your dad that, I'd never be in the way of your dreams. I just realized I'm not even in them.
It was so hard to delete your number, I had to switch my phones. Yet, it lingers on the tip of my tongue. Such a wasted effort and is still difficult to not reach out. I was so close.. just a tap away from saying "I love you." But the last time I said that, I got an "I love you too" back and I want to keep it that way. You my dear, will always be loved.