A Heartfelt Prayer
I sit here on the side of my bed with my head on my hands. Exhausted both physically and emotionally. Thoughts flood my mind as the night moves on. So, I call out in prayer. Please forgive me not making this a regular occurrence. But, honestly, I don't even know who you are. I've spent years, even decades, trying figure that out. But I do know that someone, or something is there. I do want to say a thank you for a few things. A family, though some of us could be closer, that is there. I'm healthy other than a few aches and bone pain. For a couple of inner gifts that I've received along the way. I've known since I was a child that I was going to live a long life. An inner intuition. Just knowing. And, I can sit beside someone. Neither of us saying a word. And I know. I know their feelings. Happy, sad, anger, whatever. It bleeds on me. Sometimes, I have some advice for them, but most of the time I'm trapped in their auora and can't say a word. My nights are spent in writing. Then I cry myself to sleep as I only sleep about four hours.
I just need the ear of someone outside of this globe. Someone that really understands. Because we are full of fault. Full of ourselves. Full of all kinds of garbage. And no one is really there. I'm alone in a world of billions.
These things get unbearable. So, I pour myself out on this page. I'm just as faulted as anyone else. But I know there's more. My path is continually blocked by constant roadblocks. When I know what the right thing to do is, something stops it. Frustration is my constant companion.
People think that all of this is depression. That it's anxiety. But it's not. I don't ever have enough time to explain to family or to explain to friends what's really going on. So, I say I have them so they can move along.
This my venting.
This is my release.
This is my heartfelt prayer.