I'm coming down off this high..
Its a small one
Like a tiny euphoric kiss
I'm descending from the quiet of space
And the closer I reach earth I hear all the sounds of an orchestra in discord.
It's the madness of painful thoughts and blurry faces of people who have wronged me.
It's my insecurities and that voice feeding me lies.
It's my father never doing a damn thing
And my mother doing everything except listening.
Its my ovaries probably still covered in cysts and my irrational fear of being infertile and of also being a mother and ruining my child.
I can't find the mute button
Or change the channel
They all blur together in to this mosaic I can't decipher.
I need to be strong
"Breathe baby... just breathe..."
I think of Rupi Kaur's poetry on my walls
I think of Christmas lights at night
I think of Him and how just a look calms the ocean in my chest.
I look at the sun tattooed on my wrist
And then.. I'm okay.