As the lights flickered i stared blankly at the ceiling. Another sad night for me i guess. I sighed "fucking tired of everyday's bullshit" couldn't help but to get frustrated. Why does it seems so hard to get out of this misery?
A pack of cigarettes, 2 bottles of beer with me in this empty sad room. Lights keep on flickering. I haven't payed the rent since the last 2 months. I haven't been able to go to work, dirty dishes got filed up in the sink, the house has been starting to smell too.
I played the classical music to stop the sound of the deafening silence. The smoke was filling up the room as i lay down in the couch. I drank and drank the beer straight. I smoked the cigarettes as if i was going to die tomorrow. Yet nothing worked.
"You fucker!" argh! Why can't i get it out of my mind! Tears have been falling again down to my cheeks. I want help i really do. But i got no one to hold on but myself. I shed my tears because no one would do.
"Such a failure haha" these voices wouldn't stop too! I started to punch my head again. The voices got louder and louder. Am i going mad?
I banged the table and it stopped. I began to breathe. I walked towards the bathroom. Washing my face through the sink. Look at me, i don't even know who am i anymore. I grabbed the bottle of xanax pills and grabbed my jacket.
The dark streets of los angeles have been my comfort zone. I know you definetly think i'm crazy. Maybe i am?
The prostitutes are all around, dealers looking at you straight in the eye. Drunk people fighting around the corner and the homeless citizens that are scared to even move. The sound of the never ending sirens. Indeed frightening for the others.
But maybe this is where i truly belong.
Along the way i found comfort in here. We were all in the same pit wanting to escape. No one would get higher from the rest. We were all prisoners from something we would not want to be. I got contented on what i am today. For many years have passed and i wasn't been able to get out. I was locked, i was stucked. Moving a little haven't been an option too.
But there he is, i found him. The rest in my never ending journey. The water in my thirsty mind. The one that would fill the part in my empty soul. I ran towards him. I hugged him. His presence simply removes the hell out of me! It couldn't be compared to anything.
With him i started to open the window, letting in the fresh air. The morning breeze was making my heart happy. I started to clean my small apartment. The little pecks of dusts was making me sneeze and sneeze. We both laughed. The classical music that we danced to was really making me blush.
We went for a little coffee dates, it was really cute! We went for a bike and strolled through the parks. Ate ice cream. He even had a little at his nose. And we both laughed. I finally had a companion. And i smiled at him. "How did i get so lucky?"
Everything was perfect with him. He was my better half. You might be wondering how did i met him? He was just like me, lost in the wilderness of the dark sides of los angeles. But we found the light in each other.
We did almost everything together. Woke up, brushed our teeths, ate breakfasts, washed the dirty laundry and play with bubbles. It was the best part of my life and doing it with only him was the cherry on top.
We stopped our old habits, we were going for the better versions of ourselves. This is it, this is finally it! I'm finally escaping the pit i have been stucked on.
Years have finally passed and we lead a normal life together. He and I decided to go for a date since it was our anniversarry. Little did i know, he was about to propose. He bended down and showed me a ring. I cried. I can't imagine my life without him! I was about to say yes when.
"Everyone on the ground right now!" someone shouted. People who are armed entered the restaurant. "Hand me the 100 thousand dollars or i'll shoot you dead! I already gave you enough time to pay me back!". These are the loan sharks, he had a debt with. Fuck fuck! I was panicking what would we do! Him and I looked at each other. "Guess back in the old times" i smirked.
We decided to go for a run, but this time we were unlucky enough. There were already back ups waiting at the other side of the street. We were cornered.
He started to fight, and i just wished he hadn't done that. He was shot straight in the head. And i wasn't able to move, i can't hear anything, a tear fell down. And i can't remember what happened after that.
I woke up in the cellar, i was at the prison. Everything is still a blur for me. I tried to get up. Then i remembered what happened. I shouted begging them to show him to me. Asking what happened. I was going crazy. I banged and banged the bars just for them to let me out.
Hours later i eventually got tired and sat on the floor, still crying. "Just let me see him please". A lawyer came and explained everything to me. We talked in a small room with security cameras everywhere and guards at the door.
"Did you kill him?" i was confused why would they even ask me this. I stood up and shouted at the lawyer " how dare you say that to me! Where is he?! Get me out of here!". The police calmed me down.
"He's already dead." i can't breath after what i heard. At that point i just wished i had died too. "Why am i here?" i asked. "You killed him" does this fucker even know what she's saying?
"The fingerprint's in the gun that was used to kill him matches yours. We all know you had records of having a mental disoder do you?" she said. "Why would i even kill my fiancee?! You must be out of your mind!" i shouted. I'm filled with agony right now.
"After the loan sharks confronted him about his loan, you had the tendency to be mad at him. Ms. do you even remember what you did back then? You killed your neighbor, closest neighbor after he accidentally killed your dog. Do you remember that? You were also rehabilitated back then." she explained. "Wtf?! That was before! Him and I were definetly fine!" i shouted again. "You ran with him right? It was only you in that street with him" she replied. "No they followed us there! I swore to God, go and investigate!" i can't believe this is the justice i would receive.
Days passed, even though i did not do it. I was proven guilty. The security cameras on that area would not be even released and the witnesses were kept shut.
I had the chance to go to his funeral. I thought we were going to be happily married. Why the fuck have this happened?
And here i am right now writing our tragedy in my small cellar. And guess what? We had a child. But in stress our child eventually died in my womb. I don't know how am i still alive after what happened but all i know is.