The worst thing you can do is apologising to people for being emotional and hopeful. That is the lowest your self esteem can hit where you blame your ownself for the mixed signals, indecisive people give out !
There is absolutely nothing wrong with you but them. You know what you desire and so you act accordingly. It is them who say and do things completely opposite of what they want and leave you wondering in the end ! You are better off without them because you have something they will never have - a good conscience !