• in_fragments 6w

    "Picture me at my sickest,
    spoiling inside, pieces of me
    falling away like old meat;
    brain matter pushing
    from behind my nose
    and into my mouth;
    when I feel hands inside me
    and all over cracked skin,
    maggots ferociously burrowing in;
    hopelessly dissociated, up in the parts
    of space
    that scare me;
    I am a zombie queen,
    a psychonaut levitating through grief-
    and I am always still
    just as present as you.

    You still see me, talk to me-
    I study your face
    like I am listening,
    I respond to your queries
    like I am not going ballistic

    I can dress myself up,
    force a sparkle into my eyes
    while daydreaming of homicides
    and making myself into
    a regal burning martyr
    right in front of you,
    and you
    would never notice.
    I flash suicidal smiles
    whenever you ask me to,
    I talk to you of life
    while meditating on the dead,
    I talk to you of beauty
    while peeling away at my face,
    and you always say my mask
    is beautiful.

    People think they know me
    so well by my body.
    Does my lack of a smile set you off?
    You don't want to see
    what's underneath-
    why aren't you unnerved more
    when my sickness isn't so easy
    to spot?
    That's the moment
    when you would grasp-
    if you were smarter-
    that it is rising up the highest,
    and it will quietly
    come crashing down
    to mercilessly devour
    every one of us.

    Tell me
    what you think you know,
    instead of hiding from me
    behind it all.

    Does it concern you,
    all the truths I can distill from your lies
    hundreds and hundreds
    of times over?
    Are you spooked by the fact
    that you can't stop me
    Does my ugly, fermenting mind
    just frighten you
    far too much to love
    the way it is?"

    Cowards, why can't you face what you've made me into?
    *If you're feeling badly, don't hold it in. Talk to someone or write it out. You won't feel this way forever.*
    #pod #poem #abuse #trauma #therapy #healing @mirakee @writersnetwork @writersbay

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    Ugly, Fermenting Mind

    People think they know me so well
    by my body.
    Does my lack of a smile set you off?