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    Nayi kahaniyan dhundhta ye dil

    Nayi kahaniyan dhundh raha hai ye dil

    Bahut khamosh rahne lagi hun main. Bilkul udaas. Mujhe wo sab yaad aa raha hai jo guzar chuka hai. Kaisa waqt tha wo, bediyon me bandha hua. Usme saans lena bhi mushkil tha aur fir dil ko aazadi se ek jakad me mahsoos karna, aisa lagta tha ki ab aur nahi jee paaungi. Mar jaaungi. Bas, waisa hi aaj bhi mahsoos ho raha hai.

    Main socha karti thi ki aane wale do saalon me kaafi kuch badal jaaega aur zindagi fir se chidiya ke sur me sur milaegi. Ye khayalon ki duniya bilkul badal jaaegi jahan se mujhe har roz naye meethe sapne milte rahenge. Aur main aazad ho jaaungi, is jahannam se, is duniya se.. kaheen bahut door chali jaungi. Khud ki ek alag pahchan banaker.

    Sirf likhne ke maksad se har baar kahan likhti hun. Kabhi kabhi to ye aatma kuch kahna chahti hai in alfazon ke zariye. In khwabon ke zariye.

    Ab ye dil itna udaas ho chuka hai, itna ghut chuka hai ki nanhi titliyon ko dekhker muskurata tak nahi. Na hi kamal ke phoolon ko dekhker unhe todne ki tamanna karta hai. Mere ander ek aisa insan mar gaya hai jise main sabse zyada pyar karti thi. Wahi masoomiyat, wahi khilkhilahat. Jaise mujhme main hi kaheen gum ho chuki hun.

    Kabhi kabhi apna koi nahi lagta. Sab parae lagte hain. Koi palatker nahi poochta ki main kaisi hun, kaisi nahi hun. Khush hun main ya muskurane ki jhoothi koshish kar rahi hun. Is halat ko dekhker rona aata hai ki main kaisi thi, yahan kis maksad se aai thi aur ab kaisi ho gayi.

    Sach hi kaha hai kisi ne waqt hamesha ek sa nahi rahta. Log badal jaate hain aur paisa sabse badi takat hai. Lekin main kabhi yaqeen hi nahi karti thi. Main to kahti thi insaan sabse achi makhlook hai aur pyaar karna uska ravayya hai. Wo kabhi kisi cheez se dil se nafrat nahi kar sakta. Aur ab, aisa lagta hai main kitni pagal aur kahaniyon me jeene wali hun. Kitni hi khayalon ki duniya me rahne wali, kitni aasan. Jo sabki samjh me aa jaae waisi main hun.

    Mujhe aaj bhi yaad hai pahle jab main kisi se roothti thi to sab mana liya karte the. Per ab roothna to kya koi ander hi ander mar gaya ho to bhi log uski parwah nahi karte.

    Ek baat to mere palle kabhi nahi padi ki zindagi ne hamesha itna sakht hoker, itne gusse se aur itne kadvepan se sab kuch kyu sikhaya? Jabki main to aisi nahi thi. Pyaar karna meri nas nas me tha, kisi ko kabhi chota bhi nahi samjha. To phir zindagi ko mujhse aisi kya narazgi rahi ki usne mujhper aise zulm dhae aur mujhe itni kadvahat naseeb me di.

    Hakikat to bas ye hai ki zindagi kabhi ehsason ka tarjuma nahi karti. Na kisi se hamdardi karne ko kahti hai.

    Ab na zindagi me peela chand hai, na nanhe sitare. Na bahte satrangi badal na hawa me hilte phool. Na hi ab main hun aur na mere alfaaz.

    Ye bhi kitni hairani wali baat hai ki sab kuch kitna achanak khatam hota hai.

    Lekin fir bhi ye jo seene me dhadakta dil hai ye abhi bhi zinda hai. Ye abhi bhi un kahaniyon ko dhundhta hai jo na kabhi thi aur na kabhi poori hongi. Lekin khuda rahmat ke darwaze khol deta hai. Pyaar ki mithaas ko phir se taro taza kar deta hai. Zindagi me ek nayi aas bhar deta hai. Jeene ko nayi kahaniyan de deta hai.

    Aakhir aakheer me hum ye samjh hi jaate hain ki koi ek hai, jo hame bachata hai. Jo hame chahta hai aur jo humse pyaar karta hai.

    Wahi ek khuda, jo toote dilon ko nayi kahaniyan deta hai.


    — PHILOSOPHIC FIREFLY