Freak, Zelaot or a maniac in chains?
Funny you think you know my pain!
Sometimes dark, sometimes a mix of hues
Who said I can't be the monochromatic blue!
Ever since I was little,I've been non committal
Mixed with a tint of atheism
I'm the Hindu, I am the Christian
With nobody resisting my conviction.
But when it came to "La Ilaha Illalah"
Amusing was the spark of apprehension!
Especially tough are those days
When I feel unsafe under my brother's gaze
Was it the day I saw him jeezed watching porn?
Or the day when a man flashed his unsolicited horn?
Like a leech latched on to my body,
The paranoia is hard to shake off.
From being vindictive to the hopeless lover
From a maniac to the thoughtless helper
I have it all
Just like the buzz from nicotine
One day I am super chatty
Looking my best.
The next day
I start seeing the worst in my face
Sometimes an open book,
Revealing myself to the most random stranger
But barely smiling at my long known well wishers
Friends become strangers & strangers my friends
This distortion brings me to a dead end.
Even with this broken mind
I cling on to the thinnest string of hope
And the next day I'm up looking for the new dope.
Once in a while
I suffer from something like OCD
Cleaning myself with unbelievable frequency
The other days I am more of a poophoric
Living amidst a lot of filth
Trying to give you the essence of my life
So you would be a little gentler next time
Alas! The apple falls not very far from the tree
And just like how I feel,
Messed up is what I write.
But the ebb and flow goes on
Leaving me skewed and torn