For a moment I lost myself into the wilderness of that which existed outside me, trying to control what couldn't be controlled, trying to catch smoke with my hands, searching the meaning of life in dictionaries and books rather than experiencing life in itself, darkness in the outside made me think it was dark inside too, when and where did I lose myself, I was given a second life, and how did I use it ? Is this the reason why I got the chance to live again ? I forgot that what exists within me is something that gives actual meaning to what exists outside, that the only person and thing I can control is me , if I am sad it's my responsibility, if I am happy it's my responsibility, if I fail it's my responsibility. I may die tomorrow, I may never wake up after I go to sleep, who can guarantee if I can see tomorrow ? Doesn't this make everyday of my life my last one ?
Should I spend my life mourning about my past, getting hurt at things that only exist in my head and regret things that are irreversible ? It's easy to play the blame game but how many fucks can you give and more than that how many can you take ?
It's time to come out this illusion, and by this I actually mean I have to come out of this illusion. This is not an advice nor is it me trying to show anything to anyone. It's just my thoughts that I am pouring out.